WSJ Misses The Point on Facebook and Relationship Piece Comments
Last week, the Wall Street Journal’s Elizabeth Bernstein interviewed me about Facebook and how it affects our relationships and the way we socialize. I was happy to help, but I’m afraid Elizabeth missed the point of my interview when she wrote “How Facebook Can Ruin Your Friendships.” Simply put, Facebook has not ruined any of my friendships at all but rather made them stronger.
Elizabeth and I spoke for over an hour about how Facebook has brought me closer to my mom and the role it has inevitably played in my dating life. Instead of presenting a balanced scorecard touting both the good and bad, her piece focused only on the negative aspects we discussed. Please allow me to share the benefits that she left out of her piece.
Facebook and Mom
My mom is taking belly-dancing classes, playing in a softball league with her work friends, she’s loving the show House and has been going to the theater a lot more lately, according to her Facebook status updates. My mom is not a phone person, so I would have never known these fascinating nuances of her life had it not been for Facebook. She also comments on my pictures with cute little blurbs that show a side of her personality that I don’t often see. She’s say things like, “You’ve been wearing a lot of cut off t-shirts lately. We get it. You’re working out” or “Hungover huh? Take two Advils, drink a lot of water and call me later”.
I also feel that my Facebook updates and pictures give her a glimpse into my life and my personality that she otherwise wouldn’t see. The best part is that shesigns all of her comments with “Mommy Dearest”. My friends now refer to her as that.
Facebook and Dating
I also talked to Elizabeth about a guy I met on my birthday party last month. He came with a friend and left before I could ask for his number but he definitely left an impression on me. I wondered about him for a few days until one random afternoon I saw his friend request on Facebook. What followed was a mild case of The Facebook crush rush. You know that feeling when you see the name of that special someone pop up on your notifications with a comment or “like”. I looked through his pictures – I like his style, he travels, he has tasteful pictures, he has a beautiful smile… Then I looked at his profile – he lives in Williamsburg, he likes a lot of the bands I like and he posts funny, clever status updates. Through his digital presence, I got to know things about him that motivated me further to ask him out for a drink… Which I did via Facebook ☺
Elizabeth Missed The Point
I’ve been on Facebook since 2004 and since then it has been a catalyst for love and friendship in my life. Yes, there are some negative things too – at any moment any of us can find ourselves a click away from seeing our ex boyfriend or girlfriend with someone else. That was certainly a worry of mine when I ended a relationship last winter, as my quote points out.
Elizabeth decided to write about the negative, which could have been a great piece had she focused on something more that her not “giving a hoot” about her friend’s updates. Perhaps the article would have been better directed had she known that Facebook provides privacy settings that allow her to block anything she wishes not to read. Thus, Elizabeth is complaining about something Facebook has already anticipated; her piece cries for an answer that has already been made.
Here’s what she quoted:
“Facebook prolongs the period it takes to get over someone, because you have an open window into their life, whether you want to or not.” Says Yianni Garcia of New York, a consultant who helps companies use social media. “You see their updates, their pictures and their relationship status”. Mr. Garcia, 24, felt the sting of Facebook jealousy personally last spring, after he split up with his boyfriend. For a few weeks, he continued to visit his ex’s Facebook page, scrutinizing his new friends. Then one day he discovered that his former boyfriend has blocked him from accessing his profile.
Why? “He said he’d only ‘unfriended’ me to protect himself, because if someone flirted with me he would feel jealous,” Mr. Garcia says.
She left out how Facebook brought us together in the first place. We met in college. I was a freshman and he was a senior. We never hung out but I always wondered about that sweet blonde guy from the college of communication. Three years later I get a message from him on Facebook regarding an event invite I had forwarded to all of my friends (I don’t do that anymore). One thing lead to another, I moved from Boston to New York, where he lived, we started dating and were together for almost a year – a Facebook romance success story.
The point is that “all this online social networking,” is making us closer rather than pulling us apart. Facebook has melded seamlessly with modern life and has provided a novel method of expanding the breadth of socialization – it has enriched our ability to remain in touch, record our adventures and, perhaps, learn from the past. Thus, with an increase in interaction, there is bound to be a slight increase in friction but I’ve never regretted being on Facebook. I love knowing what my friends are eating for lunch and if my friend’s child is taking a long time to brush his teeth, I would probably comment, “good oral hygiene at such a young age?! No wonder little Glen has such a radiant smile”.
